my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
zippers are such a cool invention
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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