I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone shattered a urinal.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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