My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
