Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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