Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
