We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
