he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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