i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
