That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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