Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
