And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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