So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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