Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
