Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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