U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
