I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
