you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
