white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
