My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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