you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
