genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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