I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My feet surprised me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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