Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
