I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
