it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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