I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
