he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's always time for handjobs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
