VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
