god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
