unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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