so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
