Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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