Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
