I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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