He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
