Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
