"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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