You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Even my vagina gasped.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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