You're my little dorito
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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