I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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