There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
