Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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