There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
