Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
