Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
