Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
