She said her name was "party"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
