I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
