Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
