I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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