I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
