oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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